Are you "Prepared?"

So what's up with hemorrhoids? Seriously. I mean I know that most mothers have them. I get that. The first time I called my mother and said "what the fuck ..." she soothed my aching ... uh, mind ... and assured me that it's a very common post-labor-and-delivery complaint. There's this whole market out there for hemorrhoid prevention and treatment products. Wyeth Consumer Healthcare, maker of Preparation H, as well as other common household names as Advil, Centrum, and Chapstick, has made multi-billions off of our anal discomfort. And yet here we are, too paralyzed by our own discomfort and embarrassment to talk openly about what is essentially a widespread epidemic. I see postings on Reddit and Twitter. Anonymous threads begging "please help ... my ass hurts and I'm unsure what to do." I say let's talk about hemorrhoids. Let's have a hemorrhoid-themed parade to raise money for hemorrhoid awareness programs. I'm done hiding, people. I'm ready to share the truth with the world.